0104A660. In Crushing Solitude

How did it come to this?

Haruhiro looked at the onrushing blackthings.

Why did it end up this way?

He wasn’t frightened. No, for whatever reason, he wasn’t scared at all.

Black.

Why were they black?

The sekaishu.

Black.

Black masses.

Black.

Black waves.

Dark.

Black.

What was the sekaishu?

Haruhiro didn’t know. How could he have?

Black. Dark. Sekaishu. Endlessly black. Black. Was that a color? He wasn’t sure. Maybe it was alack of color. They weren’t glossy. Just black. The sekaishu reflected no light. That was why they were black. Why theylooked black.

“What are you smiling like an idiot for?!”

Someone grabbed his arm. His right arm. Near the elbow. It hurt.

Ow, that hurts, man.

Haruhiro didn’t say it aloud. He simply thought it.It hurts. It really hurts. Yeah, of course it hurt. How could it not? After all, look at his wrist. Not just his right wrist, but his left one too.

That guy. The one from Forgan. One-eyed Takasagi. He’d stabbed Haruhiro’s wrists with his katana. Yeah, that’s right.

That’s what had happened. He’d been defeated. His wrists, stabbed by that guy. Both of them. Just awful. What a cruel thing to do.

He’d been taken down with a katana. Impaled. That man, he’d used his katana to do it. These weren’t shallow wounds. They were pretty serious. After all, he’d had his wrists—both wrists, left and right—pierced through. Because of his wounds, his hands were sort of limp.

The wounds.

Man, they hurt.

And when someone’s rough with me like this, they hurt even more.

“We’re getting out of here!”

So, please, don’t pull like that. It hurts.

It hurts more than I can bear.

Maybe Haruhiro should have said something. Made sure the other guy knew. Why didn’t he speak up? That said, the other guy was Ranta. He’d just ignore Haruhiro anyway.

But still...“smiling like an idiot”?

As Ranta pulled Haruhiro along, that was what bothered the thief the most. Smiling like an idiot. Him? Was he really? That couldn’t be right. There was no way he’d do that. He couldn’t smile in this situation.

“Guhyahgh! Oh hee ahee!”

Kuzaku was laughing, though.

“Nee gee hyah! Gohyuk! Rehyuk! Ahyuk! Hyuk! Hyuk!”

He was laughing like an imbecile.

Still, it wasn’t like Kuzaku was laughing because he thought something was funny.

It wasn’t funny, no.

That wasn’t it.

He’d gone crazy.

And Setora was walking in circles like a broken doll.

Everything had gone crazy.

“Get it together, you dolt!” Ranta shouted right in his face.

Right after that, Haruhiro felt a powerful impact and stumbled. Apparently, someone had whacked him. In the left cheek. With a closed fist.

Haruhiro was staggering. Yet he stayed on his feet somehow.

He didn’t get it. None of this made sense to him. Why was he steadying himself so he wouldn’t fall? Was there some reason he shouldn’t let himself collapse? It all seemed so silly. He gave up and tried to fall to the ground, but Ranta yanked on his arm again.

“Dude, come on!”

I told you not to pull me like that. Didn’t you hear me when I said it hurt?

Oh, I guess I didn’t.

Right.

It was true, Haruhiro hadn’t said anything.

He couldn’t say a thing.

He didn’t want to talk.

It was meaningless.

What good would come of him saying it?

None. Nothing he could say would change anything.He couldn’t change anything. That was beyond Haruhiro’s capabilities.

I’ve had enough.

That was how Haruhiro truly felt.

It’s fine. I give up. Just leave me and go. Do I have to spell it out for you? Why can’t you just understand?

Haruhiro didn’t want to have to say it. He wanted Ranta to understand without being told. They’d known each other for no short amount of time, so it didn’t seem like too much to expect that of him.

Why?

Hey.

Why don’t you get it?

Normally, you ought to be able to.

Figure that much out on your own, okay?

Oh, right. Yeah, that’s right. You never were normal, Ranta. For better or for worse. So maybe you don’t get it. I mean, you’re Ranta, so can I really blame you? But, seriously, just this once, figure it out, would you?

I’m at my limit here.

No, not just at it, I’m long since past it.

I mean, come on.

This is crazy, okay?

It’s all messed up.

It’s screwy, right?

Right?

It’s insane.

Absolutely insane.

This is all insane.

Haruhiro looked forher and found her in no time. Of course. It wasn’t that she was gone. She was right here. Turning her head slowly, surveying the area. Her chin slightly raised, and her eyes downturned.

No matter how I look at it, it’s her.

Merry.

Oh.

It’s Merry.

That’s Merry.

In form.

But it’s not her.

If she were Merry, he could swear, she’d never look at things that way. Those weren’t Merry’s eyes. But—he could swear? To what? What in this world was worth swearing on? He didn’t know. Haruhiro didn’t know anymore.

Anyway, she was different. The way she acted was nothing like Merry.

Despite her being Merry.

Even though she was Merry?

She was, and yet she wasn’t.

She wasn’t.

No matter how he thought about it, she was different. She really wasn’t Merry.

Haruhiro didn’t want to acknowledge that fact. He couldn’t accept it and couldn’t bear it. But Haruhiro already knew. He knew, and so he couldn’t act like he didn’t know.

He was there.

Inside Merry.

The No-Life King.

It was me, Haruhiro couldn’t help but think.

“Aghhhh!”

It was me that did it.

It’s my fault.

All my fault.

I caused all of this.

“No—”

It wasn’t me, he wanted to think.

It wasn’t.

I mean, what else could I have done? There was no other choice, right?

There hadn’t been. Or, there ought not to have been, at least. Anyone, not just Haruhiro, would have done the same. So it wasn’t his fault. Haruhiro was thinking this to himself, forcefully, as if praying it were true. He wanted to deny the reality before him somehow. Prove that “it wasn’t me.” It wasn’t. No way, no how. He didn’t have to believe he was in the wrong or that everything was on him.

Right?

It’s not like that, is it?

Everyone would agree, wouldn’t they?

Of course, that was just what Haruhiro wanted to think. He knew that. Knew it so keenly it hurt. He probably knew it better than anyone else.

It wasn’t his fault, but it was.

He’d made the decision.Haruhiro had made the decision.

Haruhiro couldn’t have let Merry die back then. And this was the result. That decision had puthim inside of Merry. It was Haruhiro who had put him inside of her.

He had never thought it would turn out like this. Not being God, Haruhiro couldn’t possibly have predicted it.

But Jessiehad warned him.

“She can come back to life, like me, who already died once.”

“But there is a price to pay.”

“This isn’t normal.”

“It’s common sense that people can’t come back to life, and that’s a fact.”

It was a contradiction. People couldn’t come back to life. And yet Merry had. Weird.

But it wasn’t like Jessie had been lying to trick Haruhiro. And in no way had he forced the thief into it.

In the end, it was all Haruhiro. Haruhiro had made the decision.

“There’s several people in there.”

“It’s multiple people. I’m sure they were all individuals at one point.”

That was what Merry had said.

Basically, before Jessie, there had been others like him.

Those men and women had taken him, the No-Life King, inside of them.

You might say he was a parasite of sorts.

The No-Life King was said to have died over a century ago. A strange story, that. Could he die? Despite being an undying king? If he could...