We who grew up with alcoholism may have lived in a world of denial for so long that distinguishing normal stress from the effects of the disease can seem quite impossible. We wonder if we have problems that are different from those other people have. Doesn’t everyone feel insecure or experience crisis? Denial is largely an unconscious process in which knowledge of the impact of what is really going on is gradually suppressed until consciousness of it is lost entirely. Denial and confusion become intertwined, and family denial increases the confusion. We may mistake healthy self-esteem for selfishness or wonder if life in our families was “really that bad” (since everyone else insists it wasn’t).

Some of us found our way into Al-Anon when the alcoholic in our life joined A.A. Some of us stood alone, the only one who suspected anything was wrong, while other family members became incensed that we even contemplated going to Al-Anon. We came because therapists sent us or we read a book and decided to try it. How do we know if we belong if we’re not sure? Al-A