“When I came to Al-Anon, I had life without living.”
Most of us can identify with this statement by an Al-Anon member from Spain. Many of us remember the sense of hopelessness and desperation that we felt when we were newcomers. Our lives had been deeply affected by someone else’s drinking and we felt trapped and hurt.
A member from Wisconsin shared her feelings about the isolation and loneliness that often result from being involved with a person who drinks excessively: “For years, I thought the alcoholic in my life was the only person in the world who stomped around the front yard, screaming unfounded accusations and threatening violence to anyone who tried to calm him. After only a few Al-Anon meetings, I learned that others lived with the same frustrating situations, but they had somehow learned not to be frustrated. Whatever they had—whatever presence allowed them to laugh and enjoy life—I wanted. I also wanted their understanding and friendship. I was starving for friends who cared about how I felt. People in Al-Anon didn’t offer me solutions, but they listened and I could be honest with them. I didn’t have to cover up, make excuses, or pretend that I didn’t hurt. They assured me that it was okay to be human and they accepted me just as I was. Slowly, it dawned on me that these people were living a spiritual life, and that is what helped them cope with the problem at hand instead of wallowing in self-pity as I had been doing. With their help, I began to believe that I could spend my energy laughing instead of crying, thanking my Higher Power instead of cursing alcoholism, and developing a plan of action instead of being overwhelmed and paralyzed.”
The fellowship of Al-Anon helped us break through the walls of isolation that most of us had built up. We soon learned that others who had been in the same types of situations were able to change their spiritual lives and recover from the isolation and disillusionment that dominated their lives before Al-Anon.
By attending meetings with people who were recovering spiritually, we learned to stop comparing our situations with theirs and began to identify with their feelings. We learned that self-pity was self-defeating and it could paralyze us if we continued
