“Relationships with other humans are both the foundation and the theme of the human condition: We are born
into relationships, we live our lives in relationships with others, and when we die, the effects of our relationships survive in the lives of the living, reverberating
throughout the tissue of their relationships.”12

Ellen Berscheid, an American psychologist

Before we step into the methodology of creating strategic engagement, let’s first plant some roots. If we’re going to work on generating engagement and building meaningful relationships, let’s establish what makes them possible.

In 2007, social psychologist Harry T. Reis published “Steps Toward the Ripening of Relationship Science.”13 Reis is known in the field of psychology for his expertise in relationships and human emotions, beginning with his studies in human relationships in 1970. The purpose of his paper was to influence the creation of a framework for how relationships are studied.

Reis pointed out that relationship studies have evolved from a small segment of fields of study to diverse fields of interest over time. Everything from economics to politics to medicine now considers the work of relationship studies. This means we’ve now reached a point where it’s fair to say relationships are an appropriate topic for science.

Reis went on to share that for science to develop a framework, you need to look for concepts and themes that repeatedly appear in different research areas. In his opinion, one such concept has appeared, which he calls “perceived partner responsiveness.”

What he laid out is that relationships become stronger when we perceive the other person as “responsive.” In Reis’ research, being responsive means that the partner in their interaction with you produces three things:

A sense of felt understanding. You feel as though the partner in the relationship understands and appreciates you in the same way you see yourself.

Validation. You feel as though the partner in the relationship sees value in the way you see yourself and your aspirations. You experience that they are aware of and responsive to the things that are important to you.

Care. You recognize that when the need arises, the partner will actively support you and show you they care. You feel warmth and a sense of connection to the partner even when they are not around.

When people feel they have these basic qualities in a relationship, there is a correlation between emotional well-being, less loneliness, and positive moods in social interaction. Relationships that value and respect one another create the trust and admiration needed for longevity.

What this means in the context of business is that we have an opportunity to improve our approach to funnels and loyalty building. Up to this point, most business building is based on getting people to know you, like you, and then trust you enough to purchase. However, as we’ve already stated, like and trust are not as easily won in today’s environment.

If we think about how people need to feel understood, validated, and cared for to be in a relationship, it aligns with earning like and trust. We need to move away from some of the traditional sales tactics a