Confession: Sometimes I am not a good friend.
Wow – what a catch!
Some of you are probably reading this and thinking, ‘How the hell does she have any friends?’, but I know there are others thinking, ‘She’s my kinda gal!’ I think the reason my friends put up with me is because we have known each other so long and have seen each other in so many different phases of life that we are accepting (mostly) of these personality idiosyncrasies.
As a woman in my 50s, here’s what I’ve learned about friendships and what makes them last.
Friendships should be fluid and easy – not based on obligation and tension. You are two people who choose to be together when you can because you love each other. It’s as simple as that. To make a new friend now, at my age, I have to have that feeling – you know the one, where you just think, ‘Yes! I love her! She’s in.’ That’s only happened to me a few times in the last 20 years, so the odds of my friend circle growing are not great. But is that so bad? Have we all bought into the idea of what we’ve been told it means to be a good female friend? We put a huge amount of pressure on ourselves to live up to this ideal standard – and I wonder if this is why so many women feel so overwhelmed a lot of the time. Along with all the effort they have to put into their work relationships, their home life and their immediate family, they also have to juggle mum friends, old school friends and college friends. It’s just too much.
Friendships ebb and flow – and that’s OK Controversial statement here, but I don’t think you should have to maintain a friendship. It sounds like too much hard work. There will be ebb and flow in the relationship, but the minute pressure is put on a friendship, things will start to go wrong. It’s like the needy wannabe boyfriend or girlfriend chasing after you – what does that make you want to do? RUN THE OTHER WAY. I’m not suggesting that you make absolutely no effort with a friend and then expect everything to be rosy when you next meet up. What I mean is that true friends
