IN WHITE INK (1991)
‘In women’s speech, as in their writing, that element which never stops resonating … is the song: first music from the first voice of love which is alive in every woman … A woman is never far from “mother” (… as nonname and as source of goods.) There is always within her at least a little of that good mother’s milk. She writes in white ink.’
– Hélène Cixous,The Laugh of the Medusa
WOMAN, STONE AND BOOK
And I woke one night
in tears from a terrible dream
of a small stone house
with a central chimney, a spiral
staircase and grapes on the windowsill.
I later learnt:you are describing
a peasant cottage of the sixteenth century
to be found all over Europe – France,
Poland, Germany. That puts a different
slant on it. The hologram again
adjusting angles of vision receding
into history asserting the right
to unfold itself, perhaps being
itself a section, a skin some godly
presence is peering in to learn
something of what it is to be human.
And I woke one night
in tears from a terrible dream
where I said to the old woman writer
beside meI’ve been here before.
For some strange reason
the woman’s name was Katherine.
Katherine? What does Katherine
mean to you? Katherine Mansfield
was the only name that came to me.
I lived in a house called Mansfield Place,
a small brick cottage in peachy pink
where my children were raised,
a spiral staircase painted blue
holding faces adjusting angles
to my line of vision. I was the big one
in those years. From the turn of the stair
that one about Tom when he was little:
Tom fly he yelled and he flew,
landing on my back in the hall
bending to pick up wellingtons.
Accidents of life preserving it?
Or patterns’ interferences, mute
as the backs of angels who break men’s fall?
And I had been there before in dreams,
playing games of hide and seek
through currant bushes and neighbours’
gardens, forgetting now what I was
searching for if I knew it then.
Something to do with infidelity
I think. In those years these were
things we suffered from, with our hands
in each others’ pockets striving
to become one skin. Letting go,
struggling now to fill our own.
And I asked myself
why are you crying and answered
I am forty-three and have understood
in a dream of woman, stone and book
what all those people mean
and why they mourn
and how clean I have been
through all those years of innocence.
Two camps. The lover and the beloved.
The innocent and the betrayed. Meaning
that to move out of the oppressor’s camp
is to forfeit innocence. Meaning
that to catch oneself at the point
of crossing a line is to wake in tears.
There is the fence. There is the wood.
There is the hunter by his billboard
for trespassers. Here is my face.
Scents of trails criss-cross the undergrowth
dense as twigs. A bird’s hopping is enough
to turn tail for, only to come out at night
sniffing the air clean, criss-crossed by moons
and witches’ brooms and cries of women
pricking the wood’s seven layers of skin:
drops of berries beading a trail
of witness, where the enemy has been.
THE WOMAN IN THE WALL
Why they walled her up seems academic.
They have their reasons. She was a woman
with a nursing child. Walled she was
and dying. But even when th