LONDON
The hotel suite in London is fussy and looks almost full to bursting with the sorts of odds and ends that are always associated with a particular British luxury by those who have no direct experience of it: antique vases, endless lamps, tasselled throw pillows as far as the eye can see. It’s easy to imagine the type of people this room caters to: rich Europeans looking for somewhere ‘proper’ as a base whilst they visit distant relatives, obnoxious Americans seeking out some authenticEnglish cosiness, Australians obsessed with the Royal Family.
The thought of theoohs andaahs those people might exclaim when they walk into the space makes me feel nauseous. I prefer hotels to feel like a blank canvas for my own taste, even if I’m only in them for a few nights. Usually, Jules would have ensured that my things were in place by the time I entered the suite, removing any trace of the hotel’s decor choices and fixing some paintings from my own collection to the wall, but the one I chose for this trip is propped unceremoniously against a dresser on the back wall. Too exhausted from eight hours of Henry’s yapping and Jules’s incompetence to investigate the hold-up, I just gesture in its general direction to Jules on the way to my evening session with my trainer.
‘Tell Henry I’m with Magnus, Jules,’ I say as I leave, ‘and can you make sure he doesn’t bother me now until tomorrow?’ It’s a rhetorical question. I don’t need to wait for her response before I let the suite door swing shut behind me.
Tomorrow is the final premiere for the schmaltzy, spacey, Academy-catnip film Henry and I have produced together. Well,together is a loose term; Henry is, it goes without saying, a moron, and I allow him minimal input into any of our shared projects, including our relationship. He doesn’t mind: it’s a small price to pay for what I’ve given him. Years ago, I hand-selected him from a long list of inoffensively handsome actors of middling talent to be my public-facing boyfriend. If it weren’t for me, he’d never even have dreamed of fulfilling his greedy, unimaginative ambition for fame. I dragged him by his perfectly silky, Ken-doll locks right up to the A list. Without me he’d be a recurring part on a