1.

Lights up on a modest house in Bradford – maybe like a doll’s house with the back taken off.

The house is still and empty, and tidy.

The front door opens, MARYenters with BERNIE.

BERNIE. In you come.

MARYhas a quick glance around before going straight into the downstairs toilet.

BERNIEgoes into the sitting room.

You hiding, because I wouldn’t bother.

Pause.

Ju.

JULIEsteps out from behind the curtain.

JULIE. Where is she?

BERNIE. Toilet.

JULIE. Stop talking to us then.

BERNIE. I just said. Don’t bother! She’s in a right mood.

The strap on that bag broke, you’ll have to take it back, hope you’ve got the receipt.

JULIE. You know I haven’t, it’s off the market.

BERNIE. Well the strap broke.

ELLAstands up from behind the sofa.

ELLA. Mum. Stop talking to us.

BERNIE. I’m telling you, she’s not in the mood.

JULIE. What are we doing then?

ELLA. Go out!

BERNIEexits and closes the door.

JULIEand ELLAlaugh.

JULIE. So. We hiding or what?

ELLA. Might as well.

They hide again.

BERNIEtakes off her coat in the hall and adjusts her hair in the mirror.

The sound of a toilet flushing.

BERNIEopens the sitting-room door again.

JULIEjumps up.

JULIE. Surprise!

BERNIE. She’s just flushed.

ELLAstands.

BERNIEgoes out and closes the door again.

JULIE. For fuck’s sake.

They hide again.

MARYcomes out of the toilet, she undoes her coat but doesn’t take it off.

MARY. It smells funny in there.

BERNIE. Does it?

MARYgoes into the sitting room.

JULIEand ELLAjump out.

JULIE/ELLA. Surprise!

BERNIEenters behind her, rolling her eyes, her face a mixture of ‘don’t bother’ and ‘I told you’.

MARY. What surprise, your coat’s over the banister.

BERNIE. Are you going to have a sit-down before you unpack your bag?

Look, Ella’s here to see you!

ELLA. Surprise!

BERNIE. That’s nice, isn’t it?

ELLA. Welcome home, Nana!

MARY. Yeah, well.

ELLAkisses her, MARYlets her.

BERNIE. You’re not in the mood, are you, Mum? / Didn’t I say she’s in a mood.

MARY. I told you, I’m car sick.

JULIE. I took the afternoon off work you know! / I can’t take pay for that

MARY. I’m not deaf, I can hear you.

JULIE. I know, I’m telling you, aren’t I?

MARY. What you shouting for?

JULIE. Who’s shouting? You’d know if I were shouting.

No one speaks for a moment. MARYlooks around the room.

MARY. What’s gone on in here?

BERNIE. Nothing.

We’ve got you your favourites in, for your tea and your snacks. Julie tidied round for you.

MARYdoesn’t say anything.

Gave it a hoover.

ELLA. Shall I make you a cup of tea, Nana?

BERNIE. She wants something to eat I expect. Shall Ella put a slice of toast in for you?

MARY. In a minute.

BERNIE. That’s it, no rush is there.

Just taking it all in, aren’t you? Adapting to being home.

JULIErolls her eyes and leaves the room.

She goes into the kitchen.

MARY. She been staying here?

BERNIE. No.

MARY. She has.

BERNIE. Only for the odd night.

MARY. What’s wrong withher house?

BERNIE. I don’t know. She’ll have to tell you that herself, won’t she?

ELLA. Why don’t you sit down, Nana?

BERNIE. Yeah.

MARYleaves the room.

MARYgoes upstairs into her bedroom, looks round the room and inside the wardrobe.

BERNIEand ELLAlook at each other.

She doesn’t miss a trick, does she? God’s sake. She’s like bloody Poirot.

ELLA. What was it like? Did you have to wait ages?

BERNIE. Only half an hour or so.

ELLA. She looks old, doesn’t she?

JULIEcomes in the room.

JULIE. She’s gone upstairs.

BERNIE. You better of put it all back the same.

Where you going to stay tonight?

JULIE. Here.

BERNIEmakes a face ‘really?’

Just till I get sorted.

BERNIE. You won’t last five minutes.

JULIE. Jacko said I could stay at the pub if I’m desperate.

BERNIE. Jesus Christ, you’d have to be.

You can’t stay at ours I’ve got no carpet upstairs till end of the month and Sanj is using the back room for bubble wrap.

ELLA. She’s coming down.

No one says anything.

MARYcomes back in.

JULIE. Alright, Mum?

MARY. No I’m not ‘Alright, Mum’ what’s been going on in my house?

JULIE. Nothing, what do you mean?

MARY. Well, you’ve been living here for a start, he kick you out, did he?

JULIE. No.

ELLAleaves the room.

ELLAgoes into the kitchen and makes a cup of tea.

MARY. Who’s been messing about in my bedroom?

JULIE. No one.

MARY. Well, someone has, everything’s been moved around and put back wrong.

JULIE. No it hasn’t, like what?

MARY. All my pictures! All my bits and pieces. All my dresses and skirts have got mixed up in the cupboard, what’s been going on?

BERNIE. You must of remembered it wrong.

MARY. Don’t be making out it’s me, I’m not going mad /

BERNIE. I never said you were / going mad

MARY. My cushions on the bed are upside down /

JULIE. I changed your bedding, I made it all nice for you!

MARY. Well, it’s not nice is it? /

JULIE. Wish / I hadn’t bothered!

MARY. Being lied to by your own daughters and taken advantage of.

JULIE. You what?

MARY. It’s a miracle I haven’t dropped dead of heart attack the stress I’m under, I’ve been in there over three months you know /

BERNIE. Come on / sit down

MARY. Moved around, treated like a criminal.

BERNIEand JULIEexchange glances.

You wouldn’t last one night, you. You’d be screaming and shouting all sorts.

I get out and now what? I’m being treated like an idiot in my own home /

JULIE. I’ve took the afternoon off work for this.

BERNIE. Come on, / sit down.

MARY. I’ve been dreaming of my own bed, I’ve had no privacy.

BERNIEsteers MARYto sit down.

What you been sleeping in my bed for?

BERNIE (to JULIE). Just tell her.

(To MARY.) You should work for MI5, you.

JULIE. I left him.

MARY. What for?

JULIE. Sick of it, weren’t I.

MARY. Sick of what? Oh don’t bother telling me I don’t want to know.

JULIE. Making me feel like shit all the time.

MARYmakes a ‘so what?’ face.

MARY. Don’t be thinking you can move in here.

JULIE. It’s only till I get myself sorted.

MARY. Well, you can get yourself sorted somewhere else because you’re not doing it here.

JULIE. Right.

Thanks for your support.

MARY. You’ve had nothingbut support, all your life. No one forced you to drink you know, no one lifted the bottle to your lips.

JULIE. Oh my god! Two minutes she’s been home!

MARY. No one’s supported you? / Who paid your car insurance when you nearly lost your job because of it?

JULIE. I never said no one’s supported me, I said thanks for your support.

MARY. Moving all my precious things around.

You drinking again?

JULIE. No.

MARY. That why he kicked you out, was it?

ELLAcomes in with a mug of tea for MARY.

BERNIE. Ella’s come all the way across from Leeds, so are you going to behave or what?

MARYtakes the tea.

MARY. Thank you, love.

ELLA. Is it nice to be home, Nana?

MARY. Oh yeh.

BERNIE. She’s in her third year now, aren’t you?

ELLA. Yeah. Gone fast.

BERNIE. You’re enjoying yourself, aren’t you?

ELLA. Yeah it’s good.

MARY. Not working too hard I hope.

ELLA. No.

MARY. That’s good.

BERNIE. Hey, she can come to the graduation, can’t she? You’d like that, wouldn’t you, Mum? Day out in Leeds.

MARY. When’s that then?

BERNIE. Summer, is it?

ELLA. I don’t know how many tickets you’re allowed, but yeah.

BERNIE. We only need three...