CHAPTER 2

North Korea

Ha-na always knew that her father loved her older brother more than he loved her, but that had never bothered her. After all, they lived in North Korea, where men and boys were always more prized than women or girls. Her brother, Chang-hee, was two years older than Ha-na and had always protected her. They had shared their chores and their deepest secrets. Chang-hee was always exceedingly kind to her and had never allowed the neighbor kids to say one bad or derogatory statement to Ha-na. For this, Ha-na loved and looked up to her brother.

“Here, Ha-na,” my mother said as she scooped over half of her meager portion of rice onto my plate, “I am not so hungry tonight, and we cannot waste the food. You eat what I can’t eat.”

“NO!” My father angrily shouted at my mother as he reached for the plate. “If you can’t eat it, give the food to Chang-hee. She is nothing but a girl.”

But Mother surprised me this time when she pulled the plate back and softly said, “But Ha-na is my daughter, and I love her too. It is my food, and this time I am giving it to Ha-na. Chang-hee has gotten it every night so far this week.”

Father surprised me even more when he did not object and only grunted as he got up and left the table, letting me have the rest of Mother’s food. Such a small thing, and yet it simply demonstrated once again how little my father regarded me. I was, after all, “just a girl” and was clearly inferior to my brother’s status in the family. In a highly patriarchal North Korean society with deeply entrenched Confucian values, a woman’s principal role is to maintain a family’s household and since I was not yet a woman, I was of even less value. Father had always doted on Chang-hee and he was the new favorite child, holding all the hopes and dreams of the family. My parent’s firstborn was a son who had unfortunately died in infancy. I never knew why he died but knew that my father blamed Mother for depriving him of his son. Mother accepted the blame (rightly or wrongly placed) and was deeply apologetic and remorseful, even though she knew there was nothing she could ever say or do that would right this wrong with Father. Mother did, however, partially redeem herself when the next year Chang-hee was born. I called it “partially” because while Chang-hee was the beloved boy, he also had a club foot, which meant he was considered disabled. Under Kim Il-sung, all disabled veterans enjoye