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BASIC COURTESY
If a man be gracious and courteous to strangers, it shows he is a citizen of the world. FRANCIS BACON,ESSAYS (1625)
Good manners make the world go round a little more smoothly than it might otherwise do; they should be accorded to everyone from Her Majesty the Queen to the check-out assistant in the supermarket or the council employee who sweeps the road. The most casual observer cannot fail to observe how charmingly members of the Royal Family greet anyone to whom they are introduced or whom they meet on ‘walkabouts’; Her Ladyship believes that many of Her Majesty’s subjects could learn a lesson in basic manners from this behaviour.
While there is no need to grovel (to Her Majesty or anyone else), using words such as ‘please’, ‘thank you’ and ‘excuse me’ is likely to make people respond to you in a friendly and courteous way. Her Ladyship was recently in a small restaurant with a noticeably well-brought-up friend. The friend’s chair was uncomfortably close to those on the next table. Without making the slightest fuss, she tapped the nearest diner gently on the shoulder and said, ‘Excuse me, but could I ask you to move your chair just a couple of inches that way?’ The adjustment was made, light-hearted apologies and thanks were exchanged and everyone resumed their meals in comfort. The incident was forgotten for the simple reason that Her Ladyship’s friend had taken care not to create an incident in the first place. This considerate approach to others will see you through a surprising number of social situations.
Saying thank you
You might think it was impossible to overuse these simple words, but even they should be employed with discretion. Americans – and particularly American waiters – are programmed to say, ‘You’re welcome’ whenever anyone thanks them for anything, which becomes surprisingly tedious if it happens whenever a waiter refills your glass. Bear this in mind and moderate your thanks accordingly: thank a waiter when he puts a plate of food in front of you or for some particular service, such as picking up a napkin you have dropped. But don’t do it every time he performs the smallest aspect of his job.
On the other hand Her Ladyship believes that you should always thank:
• a stranger who opens a door for you, gives way to you in a queue or performs any other such small courtesy
• a shop assistant at the end of your transaction
• a taxi driver
In cities not many people bother to thank bus drivers (although Her Ladyship has observed that they do in rural areas). But, particularly if you are leaving by the driver’s door, she recommends it as a courtesy that takes hardly a moment and is likely to be appreciated – not least for its rarity value.
Introductions
Tradition has it that a man is introduced to a woman and a younger person to an older one. Thus if you are performing the introduction say, ‘Rachel, I don’t think you’ve met Jonathan Black. Jonathan, this is my colleague, Rachel White.’ In these egalitarian days, when first names a
