CHAPTER 2

Why Do We Lie?

Some would say that if the lie does not hurt anyone, then proceed accordingly. That if you are not intentionally out to deceive but merely striving to survive in an unforgiving world, feel free to go for it. It seems we are trained from an early age to lie to avoid getting into trouble. Your mom or dad stands over you with a dissatisfied grimace and interrogates you like you are on trial: “Okay. Who did it?” Instinctively, it seems our brain quickly evaluates the two options: (1) tell the truth and face the punishment or (2) lie and see if you can extricate yourself from the issue. Being the youngest of five kids, I attempted to get out of punishment on many occasions by blaming my siblings, but I was not the best of liars, as, according to my father, he could always tell when I was lying. I would stutter or gaze into the sky as if waiting for the explanation I needed to mysteriously appear out of the blue and render me blameless.

In court, you are required to stand and swear to “tell the truth, the whole truth, so help me God.” But is honesty always the best policy? And don’t we sometimes stretch the truth? I would be lying again if I said otherwise.

For instance, a lot of people say hurtful things and then try to excuse it by claiming they are just being honest or “keeping it real.” I believe that if I can spare someone’s self-esteem by withholding a comment or stretching the truth for that purpose, then I will. We are placed on this earth to uplift our fellow men/women and not step on them like ants, oblivious to their existence.

It is often reported that divorce is caused primarily by financial difficulty and/or lack of effective communication. However, I submit that neither finances nor ineffective communication is the primary factor in marital breakups, but the inability or unwillingness to regularly encourage and uplift your spouse is. Since we all crave and desire acceptance, we should know how crucial it is to offer consistent encouragement and motivation to those we love. But what invariably happens, unfortunately, is that discussions sometimes turn into arguments and then into screaming matches, fueled by insults and accompanied by the throwing of objects across the room. If you cannot be transparent with your boo, friend, mate, or spouse, then whom can you be truthful with? But this does not mean that you take every opportunity to criticize your better