Chapter 1

Defining Family

No one fights dirtier or more brutally than blood; only family knows its own weaknesses, the exact placement of the heart. The tragedy is that one can still live with the force of hatred, feel infuriated that once you are born to another, that kinship lasts through life and death, immutable, unchanging, no matter how great the misdeed or betrayal. Blood cannot be denied, and perhaps that’s why we fight tooth and claw, because we cannot—being only human—put asunder what God has joined together.

—Whitney Otto,How to Make an AmericanQuilt

The family is the first essential cell of human society.

—Pope John XXIII

What Is a Family?

Before one begins to explore the nature of family conflict, the question that must be answered is how one defines a family. This may sound like something we should already be familiar with and clear about. However, on closer examination we come to realize that the definition offamily is as unique and diverse as each family unit and the individuals within those units.

In definingfamily, apart from one’s own personal view of what constitutes a family, we encounter religious, social and legal definitions. Historically, in the United States, the trend has been to define a “traditional” family as a nuclear family, that is, a family made up of father, mother and children. This definition of family is no longer broad enough, especially considering the legal changes in the 21st century.

The last hundred years have seen more change in nearly all areas of life than any other preceding century. Information technology -and with it, social media—has taken the world by storm. Globalization is no longer a futuristic possibility, it’s a present reality. Artificial intelligence is not only vastly utilized but is being refined as we speak. Biotechnology has rapidly developed. The definition of marriage has been legally altered. The architecture of family structures in society today is exponentially more diverse than ever before. What defines a family must therefore be examined and explored so that we are able to dialogue from a common understanding. This does not imply that we will necessarily agree with all the changes we see, but whether we agree (or even like it) or not, we are living in this new world. Social media has ensured that no one is unaware of social diver