Chapter One
1.You’ve Got This
In marriage, women frequently take a back seat when it comes to managing their finances, despite their level of education and capabilities. Many of our clients have been married to alpha males who have controlled and managed everything, from retirement accounts to taxes to investment property. The advisors your husband has relied on may be people you have known and liked for years, such as your CPA, attorney, or wealth manager. You may have even socialized with them regularly. Unfortunately, they may not always be the people to turn to for help when it comes to your divorce.
For example, your CPA may have a conflict of interest if he or she also represents your husband’s business. You may be more comfortable establishing a new relationship with a CPA disassociated from your husband and his business. In fact, it is our strong recommendation for you to establish your own team of advisors. Think of your divorce as being similar to longtime partners in a business deciding to go their separate ways. In that scenario, business partners each have separate attorneys, business appraisers, and other advisors to consider each partner’s interests and help negotiate and execute the deal. If you are an alpha female and have been the primary breadwinner in your relationship, it is likely that you may choose to stay with your current team of advisors. This will generally be the case if you are the one who has proactively handled those relationships in the past.
In Chapter 2, we will discuss in detail how to select your lawyer. By following those recommendations, you will be able to select an attorney who will assemble your “dream team” to help you navigate your divorce case. At the conclusion of your case, as you transition into working primarily with your wealth management team, you may add additional members to your team as the divorce lawyer’s role ends. Please make sure your lawyer and/or wealth management team will be able to connect you with the best professionals to help you achieve your financial goals.
We gave our client Laura this same advice. Laura is a public schoolteacher and is twelve years younger than Ron, a real estate investor who owned one of Palm Beach’s top boutique hotels. When Laura and Ron’s marriage fell apart after twenty years, she was extremely concerned about how she would provide for her two sons and have sufficient monthly income to live on her own. She’s always depended on Ron to provide financially for the family.
We helped Laura and her lawyer form a team of successful professionals who were as knowledgeable as they were loyal. We told her to do what all CEOs do, which is to surround themselves with the most competent people they can find. Do you think Bill and Melinda Gates manage their own money? No. Most successful people know they need team players who can counter their weaknesses. Not one person on the new team Laura assembled came from the advisors she and Ron used during her married life.
Shortly after her divorce, Laura came into our office for one of her regularly scheduled review meetings. She was adjusting well to life on her own and becoming more comfortable handling the finances. Eighteen months later, when she came back again, we could not believe we were talking to
