Preface
“Mrs. Fuller, we have all the reports back from your CAT scan and biopsies. What we are dealing with is Stage Four Non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma.”
It’s an early-morning doctor’s visit in February 2001, and these arenot the words I want to hear travel from an oncologist’s mouth to my mom’s ears.
It is good I was recording the conversation, because the ensuing shock faded out key parts of my memory. I felt foolish when I went back later and listened to some of the questions I asked:
“How many stages are there?” I asked.
“Four,” he replied.
“Do they start with ‘four’ and count down, or start with ‘one’ and count up?”
“There are four stages. ‘Four’ is the last stage. This means that the cancer has metastasized to several locations. The cancer is in the liver, spleen, several lymph nodes, and … well, I know this is a lot to take in, but we have treatment options.”
Mom: “So, this is the end?”
Doctor: “Mrs. Fuller, we can extend your life and give you some good days. This cancer responds well to some particular chemotherapy, but at this stage we are not able to prevent a recurrence. I believe you will qualify for a research project that shows some hope of long-term remission.”
Mom, “That’s it. I don’t want any treatment. It’s the Lord’s will, and I’m ready.”
In that moment, I took on a role I would have for 13 years: I was now on a “care team.”
A care team is a support group sharing the journey with people fighting to live well while battling sickness, disability, or death. Any of these can occur without notice or as part of the “normal” process of aging. This news began a steady and continuous series of health challenges in our family. The challenges included my wife, Tammy, who had advanced cancer. My dad had Alzheimer’s, advanced lung cancer and other less ominous conditions. My mother-in-law had the long progression of MRSA. My father-in-law faced off with congestive heart failure, diabetes, high blood pressure and other issues that go along with aging.
Back in the exam room, I asked my mom to listen to all the options before we made decisions. She agreed. The rest of the appointment took 53 minutes. She understood that the clinical trial she qualified for would be a very difficult treatment protocol that included heavy chemotherapy and a bone m