CHAPTER 1

TRANSITION AND CHANGE ARE DIFFERENT

“When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. They wanted her to change back into what she always had been. But she had wings.” ― Dean Jackson

STEP 1: “KNOW” THEY’RE NOT THE SAME

Springtime is a melting pot for things in transition. All of nature goes from death to life in a few short weeks. It was in the late spring into early summer that I would chase butterflies in the open field behind my childhood home. As if chasing the lazy days of summer away, I would run for hours beneath the cotton-candy sky, trying to grasp the beautiful winged creatures that, like confetti in the breeze, would elude my grasp.

Like many destined for the cocoon of change, I had no idea the fate I shared with these unusual creatures. Nor did I consider how similar the change processthat preceded their impromptu dance with the wind is to our own.

The beautiful butterfly of late spring, with its vibrantly colored, shimmering wings (telling of its individual transition story), is an excellent specimen to show how change actually occurs in the lives of people. Four different stages mark its metamorphosis: stage one, the egg; stage two, the caterpillar (the feeding stage); stage three, the pupa, or transition, stage (recognized by the cocoon of silk); and then finally stage four, the adult, or reproductive, stage (thestage most people think of when they think of butterflies). For the most part, the full-grown butterfly only lives about two to three weeks; the rest of its time is spent “in between” change—eating, growing, and in transition.

Like in the case of the butterfly, we don’t go from one state or experience directly to another. We don’t experience an end and then immediately begin again. Instead, every change event is comprised of three phases: (1) an ending, (2) an in-between, and (3) a new beginning. We can’t just jump from point one (an ending) to point three (a new beginning). People need something to help them bridge the gap between the two experiences. Transition—the awkward phase between an ending and a new beginning—becomes that bridge. It becomes our point two. In this space, we work on accepting what has changed.

I wish I had understood this concept when I experienced an end to the quality of health I had become accustomed to in terms of how I knew my life to be. Understanding the change process of endings, the neutral zone of the in-between, and launching anew would have saved me a lot of frustration and mental deliberation. If I had known that change didn’t happen for me simply because something in my life had shifted or due to an external change event like what I experienced with my health, I believe I would have adapted to my