Chapter One

Inception

“For what it’s worth, it’s never too late, or in
my case too early, to be whoever you want to be.
There’s no time limit. Start whenever you want.
You can change or stay the same. There are no rules
to this thing. We can make the best or worst of it.
I hope you make the best of it. I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you’ve never
felt before. I hope you meet people who have
a different point of view. I hope you live a life
you’re proud of, and if you’re not, I hope
you have the courage to start all over.”

—F. Scott Fitzgerald (1896–1940),
American novelist and short-story
writer, widely regarded as one of
the greatest American writers
of the 20th century

That had to be the longest shower of my life. My thoughts raced as the endless stream of hot water poured from the rainfall shower fixture. I exited the shower, grabbing my towel to dry off. I couldn’t believe how suddenly I felt different inside. Before entering the shower and seeing myself in the mirror, I had begun to see who I was becoming within. It was such a sharp contrast to who I had been before.

I stood frozen in front of the mirror again as the condensation started to disappear. I wanted to ensure that the figure that was starting to appear was the same person I had seen before entering the shower. That his new outlook on life hadn’t vanished.

It was hard to process these changing views that had stemmed from being exposed to a side of life that wasn’t the Trap. I imagine that’s why it took me so long to get out of the shower. I’ve heard many people who have been shot talk about it. They explained it as an “out of body” experience of sorts. It was as if they knew good and well that the events that were happening were indeed happening to them. At the same time, it was as though entirely different versions of themselves were outside their bodies. They could watch the events happening to them from the proverbial sidelines and see how they were reacting.

I recall that I didn’t sleep much that night either. My hotel room had two double beds. That was always cheaper than rooms with a king-size bed. I occupied the one nearest the window. I lay awake, my eyes open in the darkness, imagining all the possibilities in life and who I could create myself to be. I had never thought about it like that before. Never to such depth.

“If I could create or design myself, who would I be?” What would my personality be like? What would I do for