The Education of MillyMudd

A comedy in two acts

Act One

Scene One

The kitchen of an obviously large house with a view. Scene opens with Milly on thephone.

Milly: No. He absolutely must not know, not until it’s done. William simply would throw a fit if he knew. (pause, then giggling) It’s true, William is definitely above throwing fits. He would become (lowering her voice) exceedingly angry over this grave matter. Then I wouldn’t be able to do it. (pause) I know it’s my own money, but William absolutely hates it that I have my own money. (pause, then giggling) No, he isnot a stuffy old man, and I do not call him William in bed. (pause, then laughing out loud) No! I don’t call him by his initials either—William A. Mudd. (listens) Armstrong, the A is for Armstrong. Oh! I hear him coming, and I haven’t even started breakfast. (listening, but dancing a bit as if the phone were stuck to her ear) Okay. Noon, then, at Sebastian’s. (whispering) Top secret. See you there. (hangs up the phone and starts cracking eggs into a skillet)

(William, a short, erect man, wearing a tailored bathrobe monogrammed WAM, enters. Milly gasps.)

William: On the phone already! The life of a wife. Ha! Hear that? And I’m a poet, as well. Life? Wife? (He advances toward her.)

Milly: What are you doing?

William: I’m about to award you a kiss.

Milly: You’re not dressed. You’ll be late!

William: (kisses her quickly) I’m never late.