Chapter two

December 10

It’s been over a month and today is the first day I feel…I feel less pain. I feel a little more like myself as opposed to someone trapped inside an empty shell. The pain I felt after losing Josie and Tristan was too unbearable. After everything that happened, I thought I needed something to help me ease the pain, a way to release some of the pressure. So I decided the only way I knew how to do that was to inflict pain on myself. I know now that my decision may not have been the best idea, but what’s done is done, I can’t change it now. I can say I don’t have any regrets though.

I sat back and pushed up my sunglasses.

I remember the first day it happened, when I made the decision to ease my pain. It was one day while we were heading back from the hospital after visiting Billy. On the drive back to the hotel we had passed a tattoo shop. I asked Gabe to pull over. “Miss Ella, I don’t think this is wise,” Gabe said.

“I didn’t recall asking for your opinion. Now pull over,” I demanded. Gabe did as I asked and followed closely behind me as we entered the tattoo shop. I ignored all the stares I got from the people in the waiting room and proceeded to look around at all the different designs.

A short, bald, heavy set man, covered from head to toe in tattoos came up to me. “Can I help you?” he asked in a deep voice.

I straightened myself out, put on a brave face, and said, “Yes, I would like a tattoo.”

He gave me a funny look, but obliged. “Alright, how about you pick some pretty thing off the wall and let me know what you decided.”

I never took my eyes off of him. “I know what I want,” I said firm.

He turned his head to Gabe, than back to me, and smiled creepily. “Let me guess, your boyfriend’s name inside a heart.”

I turned to Gabe and laughed. Gabe just looked uncomfortable. Once I was able to contain my laughter, I gave Gabe an apologetic look and turned back to the tattoo guy. “No, I’m leaving it up to you.” He looked me up and down brows creased. To give him a little more incentive, I threw a couple hundred dollar bills on the counter in front of him. He eyed the money then signaled for me to follow him in the back. Gabe kept tight on my tail reminding me how much of a bad idea he thought this was. I ignored him and took a seat in the chair as the tattoo artist had directed me to.

“How big and where do you want it?”

I thou