Chapter Two

For three days, I moved around in a fog of wonder, disbelief and raw animal heat. And yet, following that miraculous sweep of arousal and climax at the hands of two very different lovers, I was left in a vacuum with little but the fierce and often disturbing memories, which began to fade almost as soon as I padded down the steps of Dale’s house. The newness of my sexual initiation was giving way to mounting anxiety. In a world of throw-away lovers, I imagined both my lovers tossing me away like yesterday’s newspaper. Being old news was my greatest fear. Maybe I could have been content, even happy with what they’d given me, but I’m sure that would only have worked as long as I didn’t see Galen or Dale again—impossible on both counts. Dale and I had our joint project to do, and Galen and I seemed doomed to face off regularly, with our class schedules coinciding with almost chilling frequency.

With regret starting to slip into the corners of my thoughts, I went to my History class on that third day after, and sat near the back as I usually do, several seats in. That lecture hall should have been as safe as any place if I wanted to avoid the two, since neither Galen nor Dale were taking this class. I tried hard to forget everything and allow my mind to be consumed by something other than my personal trauma. The lecture was about Freud’sCivilization And Its Discontents to which I listened with some interest. However, half way through the class hour, the backdoor to the lecture hall opened, and a male body slipped inside, taking the seat next to mine.

Dale. What the hell washe doing here?

His hand went immediately to my thigh, spreading a warmth I treasured, one that quickly dispelled the fear that had been gnawing at me for the last day. I didn’t look his way, but I felt my body settling in toward his, relaxing with the hope that I really had meant more to him than a one night stand.

“You’d think I’d forget, did you?” he asked me in a snickering whisper.

I whispered back, “I didn’t know.”

He squeezed my thigh and kept his hand right there, while the rest of the hour moved speedily by. Forget about listening to the professor; all I could think of now was fucking Dale.

After class, Dale and I headed off-campus toward his house, without him saying much.

I wondered what he had in mind, but being too scared to ask, I followed along as if this was normal behavior. My heart was pounding, although not as fiercely as it had three days before. Was it sex he wanted? Would I give it as easily as I had before? Did I want him assuming he could have me any time he wanted me? My thoughts seem to reel out of control, while Dale led me