your ballad of milt& stanley

(from Brian Evenson)

So let’s just avoid conflict, why don’t we? What made you think, even for an instant, that Stanley had a chance with the cool kids? I mean, poor bastard transfers to a new school and what does he wear the first day? Seriously, he comes to school wearing a clip-on tie and a cardigan. A fucking clip-on tie. And now you think he’s got a chance with the cool kids just because one day later he’s taken off the tie and the cardigan?

That shit sticks with you.

By the time he hits fifth grade, he’ll still be seen as a stiff. Maybe when he gets to junior high, the kids might forget about it, but now, right now, it doesn’t matter how much gel he puts in his hair or how tall his spikes can get, Stanley’s the class square. There’s no way around it.

But you, you just can’t stop yourself, can you? It’s like you’re caught in some bizarre musical theatre world where Stanley can transform himself into the greased-lightning cool kid overnight, like he’ll come into school the next day, smoking a cigarette and shagging the hottest girl in the class, well, bud, that’s just not the way it works. But you can’t carry it through, can you? You got so far as to style his hair and dress him in normal kid clothes— hell, let’s be generous here. He’s even wearing semi-cool clothes— and you march him into the classroom after the bell rings (dangerous!), and where do you have him sit down? You have him sit in Milt’s seat. Fuck.

And this is the make it or break it moment, the one that stands in the storybooks as the decisive moment of Stanley’s pathetic life. You could have sat him in any empty seat of the whole room, but instead, you put him in the only seat that says,“Milt’s motherfucking chair: Don’t sit down.” Because last year Milt was in this class. And the year before that, Milt was in this class. Milt’s been sitting in that one chair for two and a half years— and you put your little homeboy in that seat!

Poor Stanley doesn’t even know any better. For all he knows, he’s sitting in any seat. He doesn’t know Milt. He can barely differentiate the cool kids from the nerds. But you. You know better. You could have sat him anywhere, and now, here it is. Stanley’s fucked because Milt didn’t skip class today. Milt’s just walked into the room, and