PROLOGUE
How it All Began…
Growing up with a controlling mother who wore the pants in the family made taking the helm in my own marriage seem like the most natural thing in the world to do. Although it worked for my mother, it proved disastrous for me. My well-intentioned heroic actions ended in unhappily ever after as I helplessly watched my husband walk out the door…for good.
After years of trying to“make it work,” I had failed. I felt betrayed, shocked, and heartbroken.
Life as I knew it had just ended.
Life as it could be was about to begin.
Here’s the story of how this book—and my reinvention—were born.
A River Called Denial
Who knew my husband, Stephano, had an entirely different set of morals than I, thinking it was okay to live a double life with a woman in another state (out of state doesn’t count?).
Who knew I had enough tears to fill the Pacific Ocean (and the Atlantic).
Who knew my heart could endure such pain and continue to beat? (Hel-LO, Guinness Book of World Records!)
Who knew that in trying to fix everything, I would lose it all— most significantly myself.
I guess there were a lot of things I didn’t know. Or chose not to know. Regardless, I was so stunned by the sudden ending of my 13-year relationship that I often just stood, frozen, staring into space. That is, until the uncontrollable shaking took over.
On the bright side, it was one heck of a diet. Dropping 15 pounds in 10 days permanently changed my metabolic rate, allowing me to kiss my lifelong battle of the bulge goodbye. Woohooo! Finally, a change I could embrace!
It was also the first evidence I had that good really does come from bad. And believe me, a boatload of positives presented in rapid succession, gifting me with my great big Aha! moment.
Yes, I got the boot. Big time. There was no denying that. But here’s another undeniable truth: when you’re not paying attention to all those larger-than-life signs flashing in your face, the powers that be swoop in and take over. It can feel like an ambush, but it’s always a rescue. Take my story as an example:
Was I happy in my marriage? Not exactly.
Was I crazy in love with my husband? Not so much.
Were my needs being met? Not really.
Was I sweeping all those glaring, red flags under the carpet?
You bet!
Why? Because at the time it just seemed too messy and inconvenient to deal with the truth. You could say I’d developed an affinity for blinders. I’d chosen to pretend my life was everything I wanted it to be.
In fact, I was dying a slow death.
When there are so many disappointments in a marriage it’s easy to lose respect for your partner and yourself, go into denial, and push down the obvious to keep everything“looking good.”
But have you ever noticed when you’re drunk with denial, there comes that inevitable moment when the truth finds you and smacks you sober? This is exactly what happened to me. And as awful as this awakening was, it was truly a blessing in disguise.
The truth was, I was tired of my husband’s“promises” that never materialized, tired of his double standards, tired of carrying the financial responsibility, tired of rescuing him, tired of his ego, tired of his selfish bedroom behavior, tired of his traipsing off when I needed him (also known as abandonment), tired of feeling like the man in the marriage, and really tired of his Mediterranean temper.
Jeez, with that laundry list I should have kissed the cosmos instead of crying my eyes out when he left me.
Interestingly, after a few months of pity parties I was able to take a nanosecond break from blaming my ex. Guess what happened? A surprising sliver of enlightenment slipped in. I started to see my dirty laundry, what MY part was in this life-changing reality.
Whoever said it takes two to tango wasn’t lying. My big&ld
