To be human is to experience loss. Dealing with loss is difficult no matter who you are; some people may be better at managing loss than others, but it is always difficult. I have been in the field of psychiatry for twenty years and a clinical social worker since 1995. In that time, I have seen people experience all kinds of losses and deal with those losses in different ways–some productive, others destructive.
Many of us internalize our beliefs, thoughts, and feelings about a loss, even repressing our memory of the events that surrounded it. We may accept our loss to the point where we believe we have little control over anything in our lives because of one event that happened we could not control, such as the death of a loved one, the loss of a job, or being abused as a child. Life can be difficult, and just surviving from day to day can take a lot of energy. Consequently, many of us are stressed in our current situations and believe we cannot change anything that occurred in our pasts, or even the problems we are having in the moment, much less change what the future holds for us. Our parents, grandparents, teachers, and society have taught us that we are not strong enough to change or better our lives; the process is too difficult, and we cannot overcome difficulties.
We have been taught to deal with loss by not dealing with it. We may learn at an early age not to express our emotions or tell people how we think, what we feel, or what we believe; we do not share what has happened to us that has caused us pain. We have been taught that people don’t want to hear about our problems. Society tells us,“Pull yourself up by your bootstraps. Don’t dare tell anyone what happened to you. Just get over it.” We are even taught to find shame and fear in the loss—to fear that other people will look down on us if we talk about it, which will only make matters worse—so it’s best just to“get over it.”
This book is not going to show you how to“just get over it.” It is about having the courage to face your losses. It will provide you with techniques to overcome any adversity that life throws at you. Throughout my life, I have had to overcome personal adversity, and I will share some of those stories with you in these pages as well as stories of people with real problems who have overcome their own fears and adversities and how they did it. This book won’t provide you with a way to escape pain, because everyone experiences pain, loss, and adversity. However, you can find opportunities to reclaim and recreate yourself in your struggles so you can move forward. If I could overcome adversity and go on to have a successful and happy life, then trust me, you can do so as well. Let me tell you a little of my story so you understan
