3
Reason told her she ought to talk to somebody, to a person who understood her situation, but she could not muster the energy to phone anybody. Her reason also told her that this somebody should on no account wear turquoise crocodile cowboy boots.
The wind toyed with the mobile hanging in the apple tree, producing an angelic tinkling sound. Valerie bit into an orange, licked her fingers clean and had the feeling that the orange was turquoise.
Now that Miriam was no longer there, it occurred to her that for years she had been neglecting her friendships and that there was hardly any person she was on intimate terms with left in her life. Nobody phoned to ask how she was; she had had a mere five cards of condolence: one from Miriam’s school class, three from distant friends and one from the new parish priest whom she had never met.
Miou jumped onto her lap, sorted her limbs according to some invisible geometry then relaxed completely. “You are the only one I still have,” Valerie said and stroked the cat’s grey fur. That afternoon she once more gave in to the telephone ringing. “We haven’t heard from you for weeks.” It was her sister, Tamara of the grating voice.
“I’ve heard nothing from you either,” replied Valerie weakly.
“Are you OK?” Tamara asked.
“Absolutely,” replied Valerie.
“Can you bring a cake? Better still: two. One with buttercream and alcohol and something dry for the children, something they can hold in their hands.” The calendar caught Valerie’s eye. What day was it today?
“You are coming, aren’t you?”
If I haven’t flown off on a witch’s broom by then, thought Valerie. The idea of celebrating her mother’s birthday within the family seemed to her to be as alien as a space ship landing on a cake plate.
“How are you? You know I want the truth. I know what’s up anyway.”
For a moment Valerie considered telling Tammy about the multiple occurrence of the nameGitanesand the hoof scraper which presented a connection with the realm of the dead.
“I’m getting on fine as always,” she said.
“Liar.”
“Leave me in peace, Tammy, I’m OK.”
“It’ll do you good to be amongst people.”
Sure, Valerie thought.
“Lunch is at half past twelve… Will you be wearing black?”
“No.”
“Are you working?”
“Everything’s fine, Tammy.” She slammed down the receiver.
She thought about how she had always had to blackmail Miriam with riding lessons to get her to come to family celebrations. Ten riding lessons for Auntie Leonie’s birthday last year. Valerie felt ashamed at the thought. Nobody there notices me and nobody listens to me, Miriam had complained. They treat me as if I were invisible.
Valerie spent the rest of the day acquiring the makings of a lemon cake and a Black Forest cherry cake. As she was sprinkling flour, baking powder and sugar onto the mixing board, she heard Miriam’s voice as if she were sitting there, right next to her on a stool, weighing sugar and flour and beating eggs. ‘The flour is the dragon which lays the eggs. It feeds the eggs with baking powder, so they will grow big and strong.’ Valerie carefully tipped the yokes into the hollow. ‘Then it blows sugar onto the eggs, so they’ll have something to munch.’
Valerie deeply regretted that she had agreed to go. She knew that her family was unable to cope with Miriam’s death and would do anything to find a guilty party—and an explanation. They would say something ugly. With a knife Valerie cut up the butter just like a dragon battling a fire-spitting monster.
As she was attacking the baking board, she again thought about the crazy woman wit
